Who has not heard of the midlife crisis at this point? That thing that seems to happen to 40-something people when they realize that they are getting old and start doing everything to feel young, from good things like starting to go to the gym or completely changing their line of work to dedicate themselves to what they always wanted to do, to crazy things like buying a motorcycle without even knowing how to drive it or downright questionable stuff like getting a lover half their age. But what no one talks about is another phenomenon that I believe happens to almost all of us when we are close to 25, which has only recently been recognized among psychologists and other developmental specialists: the so-called “quarter-life crisis”. Basically, it's that infamous stage between adolescence and adulthood in which one doesn't know where life is going, and when the age that's on your ID is much older than what you feel you are. It's what happens when you're at a family dinner and your nosy relatives start asking you when you're finally moving out, getting married and having kids, while in reality you're lucky if you have found a low-paying job that is not even in your field, because they ask for work experience everywhere but you don't have it because you were too busy studying. Now you can't earn said experience because they won't hire you for being inexperienced... the eternal vicious circle.
That dichotomy between feeling like you have the emotional maturity of an embryo and having to act like a responsible adult is the main source of humor among us twenty-somethings. Remember that episode of SpongeBob SquarePants where he doesn't want to grow up and just wants cookies, milk, to sleep with his teddy bear and swing on his toy seahorse? To give you an idea, that's exactly how I feel right now. It seems ridiculous, but there are days when I can't help but feel that by doing adult things like going to the bank to open my own savings account I'm dressing up or playing a role, like a four-year-old girl trying on her mom's high heels, smearing lipstick on her face and pretending to be a grown-up. I feel like the years have passed so quickly that I didn't have time to keep up with them. In fact, whenever I hear a friend of mine is pregnant, the first thing I do is think: “my God, another teen pregnancy,” even though we are all already well into our 20s. I also feel like the insomnia, the twitching eye, the IBS and the back pain have all hit me out of nowhere, because I swore they were old people's things and didn't see them coming until they were already in my face. One of my most common phrases right now is “stop the world, I want to get off,” because the world out there seems so huge and adult life so terrifying that I'm afraid it will swallow me up and then spit me out alive, like some kind of three-headed monster. Plus, the more I hear how bitter people are about the lives they lead, the less I want to be in their place. My worst fear is that life is nothing more than studying and working like a dog for 40 years just to make ends meet and pay debts at the expense of mental health and time with family, only to finally retire with a miserable pension and no energy to enjoy anything in the time you have left. I don't want to get to my deathbed, at 90 years old, and die thinking that I wasted my existence and didn't do everything I always wanted. Yes, I know time passes, but right now, the responsibilities and social expectations that come with being an adult feel like so much more than my (probably) poor single working neuron can handle, and now all I want is to crawl back to my mother's womb and stay there in a fetal position until Kingdom come. And you say Jesus was 33?
Obviously there is no shortage of older people who make fun of us for complaining about how hard we have it, saying that we are just a bunch of snowflakes and things like that, but in reality it is quite understandable if you take into account how difficult life has been for us in comparison to what it was like for previous generations at this same age. While our parents were getting married and having children almost straight out of college, we have to share apartments because rent is unaffordable. As a consequence of this, and of staying with our parents longer and longer to save costs, we don't even know how to remove the limescale from the dishwasher and if we have to cook, the house catches fire. Unfortunately, yours truly is no exception to that rule. I'm 25 years old and, two years after graduating, I still live with my parents, unemployed, without income, single and with more doubts than certainties about my future. All of this, added to the fact that I live with a disability, makes it extremely difficult for me to become a useful and contributing member of this society. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything important in my entire life and that frustrates me. Now I finally understand that one song by Argentinian singer Vicentico that says “the paths of life are not what I expected, they are not what I wanted, they are not what I imagined”.
Obviously there is no shortage of older people who make fun of us for complaining, saying that we are the glass generation and things like that, but in reality what happens to us is quite understandable if you take into account how difficult life has been for us in comparison. to what it was like for previous generations at this same age. While our parents left university and soon got married and started having children, we have to share apartments among several because the rents are unaffordable. As a consequence of this, and of staying longer and longer in our original home to save costs, we don't even know how to remove the limescale from the dishwasher and if we have to cook, the house catches fire. Unfortunately, this server is no exception to that rule. I am 25 years old and, two years after graduating, I still live with my parents, unemployed, without income, single and with more doubts than certainties about my future. All of this, added to the fact that I live with a disability, makes it extremely difficult for me to become a useful and contributing member of this society. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything important in my entire life and that frustrates me. Now I finally understand that song by Vicentico that said “the paths of life are not what I expected, they are not what I wanted, they are not what I imagined.”
To make matters worse, it almost feels like the planets are aligned to make my generation's transition to adulthood impossible. I graduated in the middle of a pandemic, a possible upcoming WWIII (the one in Ukraine, now we also have the conflict in Gaza to deal with), an economic recession and, as a result, a cost of living that rises more every day (I seriously refuse to believe that ABBA's "Money, Money, Money" is from 1976, I could swear they wrote it yesterday). I recently overheard my parents complaining that the price of gas is so high that it is actually cheaper to get around by cab, just when I was supposed to get my driver's license this year, which for logistical reasons I still haven't been able to do. Now I wonder if it's really worth it. Ultimately, this is not the scenario I had in mind, and things like moving or becoming financially independent now seem more out of reach than ever before because of how expensive life has become. One of my most recurring anxieties is how I am going to support myself on the starting salary of a social worker, which from what I have found out is not a lot. These are indeed the "roaring 20s", both because they are the 2020s and because I am in my 20s, but NOT for the best reasons.
With those thoughts in mind, for Christmas last year, I asked for a book that I had seen on sale that had been written by a well-known Chilean influencer. Basically, it's a how-to-be-big guide for dummies that covers topics like financial literacy, basic home repairs, and easy cooking skills— pretty much all the basics of independent living. I started reading it on January 1st as a New Year's resolution and it has clarified many things for me, which for someone with more years of experience may seem very basic but for me were like having discovered America. Now I finally feel more confident and sure of my own abilities, even if the external conditions continue to be adverse, because I may not know how to stop a nuclear apocalypse but at least I know that I have to soak the lentils the night before and that if I mix chlorine with alcohol to disinfect the floor I will die from muriatic acid poisoning. And although the desire of never having grown up is still there, I really take pride in the few small things I can now do to start feeling useful.
Now, a few hours away from concluding the first quarter century of my life, I can say my mother was right when she warned me that time flies. My mind keeps telling me I turn 23 when I actually turn 26. But if I have learned one thing, it is that life as an adult is not easy, and that managing it in the best way possible is much more important than meeting social expectations. Either way, I still have a few years left to learn how to manage the art of grown-up living.
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